Friday, April 13, 2012

Rainy days...great for the contemplating mind

So I am truly hoping that the message from my last post was taken with a grain of salt...hoping at least for some acceptance of the concept that research might not always equal resistance...so on this rainy day I am in a very contemplative state of mind...

"Successful people are willing to do what unsuccessful people are not" after pondering this I find that I agree with it*... but I also ask what do you base your level of success on? Or is this one of those "what do you think?" questions...

I admit my 1 main fear in the whole predicament is that I will feel "fed to the lions" if you will...I tend to come out swinging (figuratively in this case) when I feel cornered, and the fear of that is a HUGE issue...I know that some of this is some BIG secret one must experience rather than be told of...but ANY help on easing my mind would be appreciated.

TRUST...that word we refuse to agree on...yeah you know who "WE" is referring to! I am the first to admit that my trust is shaky...now whether admitting it is a "program" or whatnot I am not sure because I am yet to understand the "language" (and YOU tell me to speak English,) LOL...but I would assume that admitting an issue is the first step to resolving it. Don't you agree? (oh wait my questions seem to go unanswered, unless of course they are answered with another question...

Anyway, I think the bleach is about done soaking into my brain cells (did I mention I CHOSE to take the afternoon to get my hair hi lighted?) so I will say adieu to this post and see how posting goes tomorrow.

Thursday, April 12, 2012

RESEARCH = RESISTANCE ???

First off I have to comment that I am not a very good blogger, I truly think I would be better off writing in a journal that is for my eyes only...case and point, I haven't blogged since July, and I just deleted all prior posts, I just do best putting words down to get them out of my system...thus the reason I also don't make it known that I have a blog, Seriously I just need to journal...anyway today's topic encompasses tons of thoughts going through my head...

First, does research equal resistance? I am know to be some what of a fact finder, as much as that contradicts everything that goes along with my beliefs in energy work, chakras, auras etc...like for instance I was asked not long ago if I am a Christian, to which I answered yes...I believe in the Bible and all it stands for, yet I also look to the scientific end and wonder about some of the holes? So I categorize myself as a Christian who has some skeptical views/questions, now if the pastor I grew up knowing was still living I would love to sit and chat about those questions, but since he has passed away, that is not an option and I truly have yet to find a pastor that I truly trust... So anyway, on with the research part...on some things I am known to jump feet first (usually without looking) but on some I tend to research, especially when whatever the subject is could drastically have an impact on my life as I know it.

So there is this opprotunity that has been handed to me on a silver platter, by an important person in my life none the less, (which anyone who knows me knows that my fear of letting people down, is making this extra hard to write) so as I have tossed this opprotunity around in my head since I first was made aware of it...but lack of knowledge on it prompted me to research...now before I even dive into my findings I do have to admit that anything that is found unacceptable/disliked is going to have more findings on the Internet than situations that are accepted/liked/satisfied because when a person is dissatisfied they tend to feel a need to bitch about it and make it known to others that their experience was unsatisfactory...so don't think that this fact has skipped my mind...I just know that I am aware of that fact although others in my life that my decision to embark on this opprotunity affects will not be open to the positive, but will dwell on the negative, so in researching I am merely covering all bases in case in need to defend my decision to attend...which is something I am anticipating... So anyway my findings...

Kool-aid...thought reform...mind control...self hypnosis...being told how great you are until it is obvious you will not fall into step with grads, then being considered unworthy...scam...cult...correlation doesn't equal causation...skepticism equating suppression...if this opprotunity doesn't work for you, then YOU didn't do it right...Scientology...breathing exercises (and we all know those scare the hell out of me!)...laws of attraction...resistance is persistence...

These are things that are floating around in my head as I consider the opprotunity...I am not discrediting anything, not above key words or validity of the opprotunity, but these are things I want to consider...my life is already out of control to an extent...I am not going to let something else control it...also keep in mind have have read many good things as well in regards to the opprotunity.